"It comes down to the simplicity of life. It's so incredibly simple - yet do we ever get it?"

My cousin said that this morning, as our family has been faced with yet another tragic occurrence. My grandmother will pass soon. We’ve been waiting for her to pass since eleven o’clock last night. The doctors have said that she may be sitting there for a matter of minutes, hours, or days before she finally leaves. All of our lives have come to a standstill. It’s amazing how rare we are able to do that. No person has control over this situation, and if we did, we would make something happen. This next week will take everything out of us. Each moment is spent with this incredible weight hanging over our heads, yet, in our efforts to ignore what we cannot change, we focus on the most inappropriate topics.

She pointed out that we all think about the hard times that were so prevalent in the last days of my grandmother’s life. We focus on the family arguments, and our own selfish egos. I still do not understand why we do this. Who cares about whatever inheritance is left? What does that matter? No money or possession will replace the love, support, and general nourishment this woman provided our family. Even in her moments of weakness, she loved us wholly. How can we even begin to replace something like this?

Why is it we are made to feel shameful? Life gets in the way, it always does. It is certainly understandable, but I question if it is completely forgivable. Learn from the lessons. Yes, things happen, and others must take a back seat. This is where the excuse is understandable. However, don’t let yourself fall back on that. Be honest. And don’t get so caught up in things that you realize what you should do/have done before it is too late.

If you love someone, show them. Don’t just tell them. You have to show it. You have to think of others more, and of yourself less. Never be ashamed. Even if what is in your heart, or your head, disappoints someone you admire, you owe it to everyone to be honest. Why do we hide? Why do we avoid the truth? Why are we so scared of protecting ourselves?

Why do we listen to others?

Negativity breeds negativity. It has the power to trump positivism. It has the power to destroy us all. Their thoughts, their doubts, their fears begin to breed in our subconscious. An innocent statement or gesture can be misconstrued and wreak havoc on the emotions of many. It makes me want to run.

I don’t want to be suspicious.

I don’t want to be angry.

I don’t want to be sad.

I don’t want to be there.

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to wait anymore.

I don’t want her to die.