As much as you want to, you can't rely on someone else to make you feel alive. That's an inside job.

I've been immature a lot lately. As we all can be. And I really have some repenting to do.

My life has kind of been like Boy Meets World lately. You know the episode where Cory falls for the Ski Lodge girl, and that makes him see that he has been taking Topanga for granted? Yeah, that's me. But with friends instead of a relationship.

I know who I am.
I'm old and I'm set in my ways. I had to take a step back and sort out some newer situations. And now I see how things really are.

I need to judge less. Because in the end, it doesn't really matter. What matters is how you treat me, which has always been perfect.

There's a difference between feeling like those around you are judging you just because they are critical people by nature, and then having people actually judge you. At least we talk things out. The only time that never happened was my fault, and they were my issues. And I see the error of my ways.

The best part is you've remained perfect to the end. You've forgiven my mistakes, you've let me do what I have needed to do. And I thank you so much for that. I'm sorry that in my immaturity, I questioned your respect for me as your lack of notice/concern. I have not acted in a way of which I am proud. Or a way that is common to me. And I value your understanding, love, and respect more than anything.

The guilt is eating at me. I've apologized a thousand times over, but I still see it every day. This is who we are. And we can all make changes to slowly grow. Each of us are doing what we need most in our lives, and there are reasons for the decisions we make. I have known this, but it's been setting in more than normal lately.

I will get there.

No more distractions.

Friendship can never be underestimated.