Sometimes starting over means going back

Every day we go through events that take us one step further in our lives. We share experiences and thoughts that drastically change who we are. more importantly than those, we come to realizations. We find undiscovered truths about ourselves.

It's funny to me how the holidays always make us reflect. All of them do. Couple that with the fact that the whole purpose of this holiday is reflecting and changing. Starting anew.

Oh, and what a time for this holiday to come. Because that seems to be all that I have been doing lately. It has been a year for reflections, and changing. Whether the changes are successful or not, they were at least attempted.

One of the biggest changes I've personally made this year had taken me all over the spectrum in the course of a year. This time last year, I was true to my history when it came to interpersonal relationships. I was scared. I was nervous. If someone came too close to me, then I immediately pushed them away. Over the course of the year, I learned to trust. And to accept love. I was quite comfortable. Somewhere throughout the year, that trust was taken for granted. The love was repossessed. I was left broken.

But the beauty in that! I learned to stand back up again! I learned to pick myself up off of the ground and go on. Without you. Oh, and I haven't changed yet. I still want to go back, but I'm doing this on my own. And it feels so wonderful. And it feels liberating. I have my moments where I do the creepy stalker ''check up on that special someone'' thing, but they are fewer and farther between.

I don't call each time I second guess myself anymore. And I won't call at midnight. These are changed. These are steps. I can ring in a new year on my own. And, hope that is what it will be. A year where I am my strength. I have it. I've always had enough to share. It's just time to stop giving it away and using it for me.

There was once at time when I would have said that living alone is my worst possible nightmare. This is no longer so. Now I look forward to living by myself next year. To doing the things I miss and I enjoy. I got so swept away this year by everyone and everything around me that I forgot some of the things I love most. The things that make me who I am....

Family

Shows...

...going to them
...and throwing them

Reading

My Merlin

The Internet
Making things
Baking

Writing

I've made some of the best decisions in my life this past month about where I want to go. It's taken some mistakes getting there, but they will all be over soon. I have a plan, I have a path. And, once again, I have hope.

I'm not making New Year's Resolutions. I'm following the Life Resolutions I've made to myself, and others, before.

Working, volunteering, throwing shows, reading, and just enjoying the simple pleasures in life are my key to happiness. Not everything that has kept me where I am. Life isn't about saving face. It's about having the courage to show yours.