Can't marry no one, no one, no one

Yet another one of my closest friends are getting married.
Naomi got engaged yesterday. Her wedding is Next September.

Rachel got engaged this summer and is busy planning her wedding. Becky gets married next month. Monica was married last month. Monica Arnett's wedding is this summer. Emily and Dustin got married lat August. Frances was married last year. Jerry is married. Chris is married. Brooke is married.

I'm sure there are more.

These are the people that I spent some of the most shaping times of my life with, and they've all moved on.
So, what's holding me back.
Me.
I am not finished with school because something is holding me back. I'm not dating anyone because I'm still afraid to commit. I'm just not ready to grow up, and I seem to be throwing a temper tantrum and dragging my feet just to slow it down.
Is this really what I want??

I remember hanging out with Becky when she was 23 and she and Monica would talk about wanting to get married. I thought they were nuts. Becky would talk about wanting babies. I REALLY thought she was crazy.
I said that would never be me, I wasn't getting married until I was 35.

Well, here I am, 23 and jealous.

I want to get married soon.
I am tired with this whole dating around thing.
I'm tired with everything. So tired that I don't have the energy to make things happen anymore.

I want kids even more than I want to get married. I cannot WAIT to be pregnant.
And I want to have kids before I am 35.
I want to live long enough and be young long enough to see them grow and to help them.
I don't want to be 58 when my oldest is my age now.
There are worse fates, but... I just don't want that.

I think part of these desires have been shaping my thoughts lately. Things about me that I was too young or immature to understand are coming to light.
I was so idealistic.

Oh, man.
I don't want to get married to just anyone.
But it's been so long since I've met someone substantial.
And I'm still holding on to those from the past, but they are less than interested.
And.... I'm going to have to meet someone soon.
Or
Artificial insemination and single motherhood here I come.

Ok, that's a joke, I really don't want that.
But
I just want something to work out.
For once.