Sitting and Waiting, as always.....
I stopped posting the Saints on here because I was sick of looking at my blog and only seeing them. I've still been researching, and there are some pretty awesome ones. Let me know if you wanna know more about a saint.....
I'm in a weird funk this week. I am entering that phase that I was in in January where I know I'm not supposed to go out soon, so I've started to go out less. Eff that, done with it here and now. That and everyone has been pretty busy. Midterms week, projects due, all of that stuff. Plus, my volunteering and work ended last weekend and I had all week to wait until this Saturday when it starts again. There was nothing to break up my monotony.
It feels as though I've spent every day in anticipation only to be let down. Each let down seemed to pile on the last. I am frustrated because it seems this cycle will last another couple of weeks. I was supposed to go to Ohio this weekend, but due to my work schedule, I cannot go. Next week will be just like this week, and the next weekend the same. I feel like I'm caught in a vicious cycle and don't know how to get out of it.
For some reason, I'm starting to feel as though I am an unwelcome burden to everyone around me. This feeling comes for various reasons. I don't have a car, I can't go places and do things that cost money because I'm broke. I also feel like a pain to one of my friends. I feel as though he has grown to hate me. We have times when we will hang out and we get along quite well. I enjoy his company and I remember what it was like to be his friend. However, it seems as though he gets in moods where he would prefer I would not be around. These moods are almost always the case when other people are involved. I don't know how to fix this. I just know that it results in me feeling more alone when there are people at my house than I do when I am by myself.
I think I have too much time again. To much time alone to think. I've been trying to formulate plans. I've come up with a plan of action for myself over and over. It just depends on other circumstances to make this plan fall into place. And when I think, I think too much. I start to question my feelings, and I think I create problems that are not really there. I get obsessive and that's never healthy. At best, I start to convince myself that I am crazy. Which, I guess is good because the fact I think that means I'm really not, right?
I'm just sick of this persistent feeling of anticipation. I know it has to let up soon. However, next week will be comparable to this week... And I'm not even ready to think about that yet.
Regardless, everything will change in 2 weeks. And that is something to which I can look forward....
I'm in a weird funk this week. I am entering that phase that I was in in January where I know I'm not supposed to go out soon, so I've started to go out less. Eff that, done with it here and now. That and everyone has been pretty busy. Midterms week, projects due, all of that stuff. Plus, my volunteering and work ended last weekend and I had all week to wait until this Saturday when it starts again. There was nothing to break up my monotony.
It feels as though I've spent every day in anticipation only to be let down. Each let down seemed to pile on the last. I am frustrated because it seems this cycle will last another couple of weeks. I was supposed to go to Ohio this weekend, but due to my work schedule, I cannot go. Next week will be just like this week, and the next weekend the same. I feel like I'm caught in a vicious cycle and don't know how to get out of it.
For some reason, I'm starting to feel as though I am an unwelcome burden to everyone around me. This feeling comes for various reasons. I don't have a car, I can't go places and do things that cost money because I'm broke. I also feel like a pain to one of my friends. I feel as though he has grown to hate me. We have times when we will hang out and we get along quite well. I enjoy his company and I remember what it was like to be his friend. However, it seems as though he gets in moods where he would prefer I would not be around. These moods are almost always the case when other people are involved. I don't know how to fix this. I just know that it results in me feeling more alone when there are people at my house than I do when I am by myself.
I think I have too much time again. To much time alone to think. I've been trying to formulate plans. I've come up with a plan of action for myself over and over. It just depends on other circumstances to make this plan fall into place. And when I think, I think too much. I start to question my feelings, and I think I create problems that are not really there. I get obsessive and that's never healthy. At best, I start to convince myself that I am crazy. Which, I guess is good because the fact I think that means I'm really not, right?
I'm just sick of this persistent feeling of anticipation. I know it has to let up soon. However, next week will be comparable to this week... And I'm not even ready to think about that yet.
Regardless, everything will change in 2 weeks. And that is something to which I can look forward....
posted by Michelle. at 9:10 PM
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